Monday, February 27, 2006

Colors of Islam

Colors of Islam

Have you ever looked at a beautiful rose that just sits so perfectly outside your backyard and you look at it with admiring eyes too afraid to touch it. You would hate to lose it and you know its very delicate, one wrong move and you’ll lose it forever. Day in and out, you see it watered, you watch it blossom, you see it grow. It makes your soul happy and one day you take a step closer to it. You realize that it’s even more beautiful close-up and suddenly a light radiates and emanates. It reaches you and you feel complete.

Sunday, February 26, 2006

Beautiful Flora

Beautiful Flora

I have never met someone so beautiful, expressive, mysterious, entertaining and adorable as my little flora. I only wish that this eminent flower was part of my classroom community. Seeing her in school everyday brings great joy to me. When she says Brrrrrrrrrrr it shatters all barriers in me. Someone with so much promise makes my heart leap. Her smile makes my day brighter, her jokes make me lighter, her expressions warms my heart, her sparkle makes me love glitter, her locks make me doodle. I love the way she jumps her rope and fights with the other girls, although she goes overboard. Her eyes have so much wonder, they talk to me when we meet. I hope and pray that this beautiful flower takes it time to fully bloom.
I love you!
I wrote this during Ramadan, the 5th day of fasting i believe but never typed it. Thanks brother Jordan for the reminder.

Monday, April 25, 2005

Where then are you going?

Where then are you going? Yaa Ayesha Zafar!

Tomorrow is my last official class EVER at CSU for undergrad!! My last seminar!!!! This past semester has been extremely overwhelming. At times I’ve felt as if I was riding this crazy emotional roller coaster, so unpredictable, full of strange turns and blind spots. I’ve never been soooo intuned with my emotions, crying at every flower blooming, every tree falling or my fourth graders hugging me! Even seeing the familiar Janitor’s face that I have seen for 4 and half years made me tear up today. I’ll miss my talks with him!!!
I’ve enjoyed my time at Cleveland State so much that I am utterly at loss of words. Granted I am usually at loss of words but this beautiful part of my life has been just amazing! Even though I had it all planned out, I was going to room with 2 of my good friends, I would cook and ola would clean and suzie would do the laundry, we would have a cat named Zaytuna and one named MYNA, KSU seemed soo nice when we were younger!!! but you plot and plan and Allah(SWT) is the Best of Planners. Tomorrow inshaAllah, when I walk through the campus, it will be a sweet-sour walk, it’s a place where I grew so far the most spiritually in my 21 years (almost 22.. eeeeee on my Graduation, double the blessings, May 14th baby). Where I learned who I truly was and what my purpose in life is for now at least ;P, where I met people that were sooo pious that you wanted the earth to swallow you after talking to them and souls that were so lost that u shuddered as u saw them regress. It’s a place where I saw the most diversity in life, I’ve never felt so blackistani in my life :)! I am not sure if I learned a lot about my Major perhaps because I hardly ever opened a book, I was too busy planning MSA events or ruining them I must say ;P. Ahh MSA has given me soooo much and unfortunately I’ve not even given it an ounce of appreciation!I learned more about the underground history of Public schooling by my buddy John Taylor Gatto than any of my clueless professors.
At this point I am not too sure what I want to do next, nope I have not applied to any grad schools and I reallllly do want to study abroad inshaAllah. Sigh I am not sure if I’ll be in Cleveland next year, heck I am not even sure if I will be teaching but Allahu Alam.. God knows best.. I shall wait and see where my naseeb takes me.. The Pen has been lifted and the Ink has been dried. I must await for what lies in the special box named life for me… Sure I think about it everyday, however,can’t help but smile, I am just soooo ready for another chapter in my life to begin inshaAllah :)
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Cleveland Sister Mafia style! This semester I’ve truly EEEEEed out… Oh yeshh I maybe going to Pakiland this summer inshaAllah, and the plan is to go somewhere else as well but that’s a secret ;P Only a few are allowed to know! And *cough* no it’s not Australia (Even though we know for a fact that Colors of Islam lives there) or Ireland, I must bounce across them as well but we shall see what rents have planned!

Alhamdullilah, yup it’s a blue tassel and a blue hijab :) :) :)….. I am soo almost done! Alhamdullilah


Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Oh my Soul (Ya Nafsu)!

Listen to this beautiful Qasida at ( MP3) :)... Now is English and Arabic :)

Should you not gain your wants, my soul, then be not grieved;
But hasten to that banquet which your Lord's bequeathed.
And when a thing for which you ask is slow to come,
Then know that often through delay are gifts received.
Find solace in privation and respect its due,
For only by contentment is the heart relieved.
And know that when the trials of life have rendered you
Despairing of all hope, and of all joy bereaved,
Then shake yourself and rouse yourself from heedlessness,
And make pure hope a meadow that you never leave.
Your Maker's gifts take subtle and uncounted forms.
How fine the fabric of the world His hands have weaved.
The journey done, they came to the water of life,
And all the caravan drank deep, their thirst relieved.
Far be it from the host to leave them thirsty there,
His spring pours forth all generosity received.
My Lord, my trust in all Your purposes is strong,
That trust is now my shield; I'm safe, and undeceived.
All those who hope for grace from You will feel Your rain;
Too generous are You to leave my branch unleaved.
May blessings rest upon the loved one, Muhammad,
Who's been my means to high degrees since I believed.
He is my fortress and my handhold, so my soul,
Hold fast, and travel to a joy still unconceived.
- Ali bin Husayn al-Habshi (translated by Abdal Hakim Murad)

Monday, March 14, 2005

Beautiful Qasidas ( Desi Style)

Saturday, December 04, 2004

Scattered Pearls

Scattered Pearls

So have ever looked at a strand of Pearls, how beautiful they look but that very strand of pearls when scattered everywhere looses its original beauty.. Sorta like noorified people, you can almost see the lack of noor or abundance at times on their faces. soo Maliha Balala my role model wrote this beautiful reply to a sister going through some very painful things in her life! May Allah(swt) keep our pearls intact.. ameen or grant us to be like those amazing strands of pearls.. God willing :)
ayesha zafar

i read this yesterday, and had to fight the tears that choked me...I came back today, hoping the story changed somewhat, maybe i read too much into it? surely this can't be? But then i thought back to the all the horrid stories i have heard growing up, all the not so nice things that adults like to cover, and we children somehow learn of. The perverted uncle, the alcoholic neighbor, the suicidal aunt, the molested cousins, the aborted baby... Somehow within the pristine outer appearances, we tend to hush these things (as a community)..maybe if we look away, they will dissappear, or atleast not haunt our dreams at night. A burden too heavy to share and seemingly too much to handle. But surely Allah is The All Merciful, All Compassionate? Surely He knows what you are going through and He who takes care of the minutest creatures, the most helpless of gnats and most vulnerable of ants...He who feeds the birds, He who causes the most beautiful heart rending of flowers to grow ever so slowly, ever so painfully, from a slab of concrete! In life we have two kindsa people, those who have been spoon fed, groomed, taken care of, those who have been given all the excesses of life...and on the outside they look sooo perrfect...sooo together...everyone wishes to have a bit of just "be" them even for a second. Yet in the larger scheme of eternity only Allah knows where they truly stand, and just this morning i was thinking if Allah in His Wisdom and Mercy did not conceal our inner reality (and ugliness) then surely we would be running away from each other's grotesque-ness. I read in a poem, that the parable of these ever so perfect people are like the most beautiful and prim of roses, cut, preserved, and put in a gorgeous crystal vase. Everyone looks at it and gawks for a minute or it slowly whithers away. Then there is the majority of people. Those that grow up wondering what is the point of life? Those that never tasted a 7 course meal, or enjoyed the luxury of airconditioning and even a bed...the billions of people in third world countries whose needs are sooo basic and so mundane, it's enough to humble the most hardened of hearts. The people who have tasted true pain, the strugglers, the ones whose feet are sooo jagged, wounded, and cracked from the path that seems tooo sharp, too painful, the path that's enough to numb the tenderest of hearts. Yet amidst the ruins surrounding some of these people, amidst the concrete jungles, the slabs of rocky hearts, and dusty paths, emerges the most poignant, and heart shattering of the wildest and untamed roses. Those big, colorful petals that have tasted the incessant bitter salty breezes, those hardened thorns that grow out to spike all the dangerous envious ones threatening to cut them down, those hardened stems yet such supple inner sanctums they are yearning to burst forth with the Magnificence and sheer beauty of the One who Created them, and nurtured them sooo intimately and closely despite the madness without. You my dear are lucky to be amongs the wild sea roses of this dunya. You have tasted the bitterness, but deep within you know that light that shines ever so bright will never be dimmed. You know there is a way out and it's not Kufr (disbelief), it's not despair, it's not giving in to the madness but submitting to the Source of All Peace, All Love, All Happiness, and the Will of He who created you, and nurtured you and brought you to the fullness of the beauty and integrity of your being. Just keep turning to Him, even when you feel the ground burning into your forehead, keep your face down, begging pleading and in the most subtle of ways He will keep lightening your burdens, blowing those ever sooo healing of Breezes into the depths of your He gently draws you closer and closer all these fleeting trials will take wings like fluttering butterflies and glide you gradually ascend into the realm of the Truely blessed and Blissful Ones.

May Allah illuminate your soul with His Ever Glowing Light and May He increase you in Patience, Compassion and integrity.. Please never let go..never give up..for shaytaan will forever try to distance you and draw you into the depths of misery and wretchedness.
Your sis in struggle,
Maliha B

Just empty...

Just empty…

I feel as if my faith is regressing after the month of Ramadan. The worst feeling is to feel as if you are slipping in a dark hole and no one can help you except your realization of this regression and Allah(swt). A believer always goes through these cycles of highs and lows, Eman (faith) is dynamic, its either increasing or decreasing. But what about those people who are always increasing in their faith. Do they really exist? Or does everyone go through these cycles, periods of being distant from our Rabb. Indeed, in these intense periods one realizes that nothing can fill the void except remembrance of God.
In reality, those people do exist and they’ve spent their lifetime polishing the hearts, they are in a state of fitrah and constant dhikr. People when you look at their faces, you remember God, you see signs of long prostrations and night vigils. The noor (light) emanates and you want to share it just for a moment but the light doesn’t reach you because of your sins. You feel helpless and plead to your Rabb that if you can feel that noor for a just an instant but your soul has wronged you. Your heart is full of riya, takabur, wantonness, anger, hate, rancor, iniquity, vanity, negative thoughts, heedlessness… how then can the light touch you? how then can u taste the sweetness of Eman (faith)? How then can you progress?

All the limbs have significant traits, and the trait of heart is that it is always in Love with someone or something. In order to taste the sweetness of Eman, one has to empty the heart and overwhelm it with the Love of Allah (Isqh-e-haqqiqi: True Love)…

May Allah(swt) burn the flame of love in all our hearts and guide us on the path of remembrance and reflection leading to HIS proximity. ameen

a lost soul,
ayesha zafar



Mawlaya salli wa sallim da-Iman abadan
‘Ala habibika khayril khalqi kullihimi
(Oh my Master, send Your salutations and blessings eternally
Upon Your Beloved – the best of creation)

Muhammadun sayyidul kawnayni wath-thaqalain
(Muhammad is the leader [as the Final Prophet and the best of creation]
Of the two worlds, and of Man and Jinn)
Wal fareeqaini min ‘urbin wa min ‘ajami
(Leader also of the Arabs and the non-Arabs and their kin)

Huwal habibul ladhi thurja shafa’athuhu
(Beloved by Allah is he, upon whose pleading we depend)
Likulli hawlin minal ahwali muq-thahami
(From the terrors of the Day of Judgement, which on us descend)

Thummar ridha ‘an Abi Bakrin wa ‘an ‘Umarin
(Then we ask You to be pleased with Abu Bakr and 'Umar Wa ‘an ‘Aliyyin wa ‘an ‘Uthmana dhil karami
(And ‘Ali and ‘Uthman – the generous one)

Ya Rabbi bil Mustafa balligh maqasidana
(Oh Lord, with the Chosen One, grant us our goals)
Waghfir-lana ma mada, Ya wasi’al karami
(And forgive us for what has already passed,
Oh Most Munificent One)

Lyrics: Imam Sharaf al-Deen al-Busairi (d.696/1296)

The beginning...Opening

The beginning.. Opening

I’ve often wondered and reflected upon the Opening Chapter of the “Quran”.. Al-Fatiha.
It’s an opener, a du’a to Allah(swt) if done with all consciousness, in the 5 daily prayers!
Some of the different name of the Surah, Umul Qur’an (Mother of the Qur’an), Ash-Shafia’ (The curer), Al-Wafia (Complete), Al-Kafiyah (Sufficient), Wal hamd, Saba-al-mithani.
Subhan’Alla in the seven ayahs lies so much, our aqeedah, ideology, our connection with the Rabb.
Alhamdullilah:Praise is more than Alham…
Rabil-Alaymeen : Rabb, Lord of the Universe..
Rabb: Controller, Master, Allah(swt) created us…

Wahadad-al-aqeedah (Basis of our Aqeedah)
*Allah(swt) is the Creator, Allah(swt) is ar-Rahman, ar-Raheem.. He(swt) deals with HIS creation with Rahmah.
Ar-Rahman: Utmost Mercy
Ar-Raheem: Continuity of Mercy

*Mercy upon HIS creation. Subhan’Allah, Mercy upon despicable souls like me…

When Reciting this beautiful Surah, make du’a (supplication), visualize the straight path and affirm your belief..

Surah al-Fatiha
In the name of God, The Beneficent, The Meriful

All praise is to Allah, Lord of the Universe
The Entirely Merciful, The Especially Meriful
Sovereign of the Day of Recompense
It is YOU we worship and YOU we ask for help
Guide us to the Straight path
The path of those upon whom YOU have bestowed favor, not of those who have evoked YOUR wrath or of those who are astray.